Comic Shop Etiquette War Journal: Just Don't Be Creepy for F's Sake

Ideally you wouldn't have to keep an eye on such a thing, but it can sneak up in your store from time to time. Giving advice to customers seems kind of pointless since if anyone is doing anything creepy they are most likely not the kind of person to take any advice. So in general, this is more for retailers.

RETAILERS:

-Sometimes you end up with an employee that just doesn't realize that coming onto women (especially in our setting) isn't a great thing to do. First of all, many female customers don't go comic shopping just so they can deal with advances. Second, you're in a comic shop. C'mon. Try to help out the general image here.

I've worked with one gentleman who continuously made advances all the time, and would drop whatever he did just to help a female customer out. One time, we had to evacuate the building because of a gas leak. I went to the upper apartments to get everyone out. While we were all waiting on the streets for the City workers to deal with the problem, one of the female tenants came to talk to me and thank me for going to get them. Fellow coworker literally inserted himself between the woman and myself and actually said something along the lines of, "I'm the one who told him to clear the building." That was the level we were dealing with.

Another co-worker made it a habit to yell out to women passing buy to come in and buy comics. Not being a manager at the time, I still always had to reign him in and have 'the talk'. Pretty sure I was 10 years his junior at the time.

None of this is acceptable by any stretch, and after dealing with numerous people like this it becomes obvious that they don't actually comprehend this on a lot of levels. So you either have to reign them in hard or get them out of the store period.

-Having an adult section pretty much makes you a magnet for creepiness. This is where you have to decide if the potential profit is worth the risk, but after working in a store that used to have an adult section for over 5 years I would say it really isn't. I would tell you some stories to prove the point, but really. You don't want to hear them. Really.

-You do want your store to have a base line of cleanliness. Just try to avoid claustrophobic tight spaces, unnecessary darkness, and dangerous to maneuver designs.

CUSTOMERS:

As I said, this isn't something that non-retailers will be too interested in. This is pretty much a list of red flags retailers need to watch out for, and if you're a customer who does this subconsciously well then......stop please.

-Lingering around, obviously not buying anything. Sometimes harmless, but really needs to be watched.

-Breathing hard at inappropriate times. Had this one guy going around acting normal for a bit, was up front just trying to chat my ear off, and when a father and child stepped up to the counter he started to breath real hard. It goes without saying his ass was kicked out at lightening speed.

-Walking in with your hands covered in blood. Yeah.

-Dragging your girlfriend in when she looks like she did the last supply of your crack.

-Customer smells like rotten bologna.

-Customer comes in with open alcohol. Illegal, and happened twice just last week.

-Conspiracy nuts coming in to show you how the government is trying to screw us all over.

-Creepy little guys coming in to ask if they can paint you in the nude (not to me, but to an old boss).

-Guy comes in and gives female employee Beef Jerkey because he has a crush on her.

-Do not talk about the comic characters as if they are real

-For God's sake, try to not always sound like a fanboy with no sense of proper social interaction. I've had new non-comicy customers walk in and then someone goes in the most horrible little nerd rant that's usually insulting to A) Women, B), Parents, or C) HUMANS IN GENERAL.

I'm probably leaving a crap ton out, but you get the idea.

Comic Shop Etiquette War Journal: Helping People is Good

So one of the tricky things to do is figure out how helpful is too helpful. Often times people don't like to be asked if they need help, but then customers might also complain that they were either ignored or couldn't get any help when they needed it. So you need to develop an eye for seeking or offering help.

Retailers:

-What I like to do is after greeting a customer, I go back to what I was doing and then after the customer has had the time to look around you offer them help. Give it a minimum of five minutes, but often times more is better. If a customer needs it right off the bat they will come to you, and you need to drop what you are doing (unless you were already helping a customer) because helping the customer does take precedence over all other jobs.

-Why the hell would you ignore a customer, even if you were in a bad mood? Seriously, customers equals business. No customer service equals no money and that equals no job for you. Your moodiness and anti-social qualities need to be tossed right out the window.

-If a customer looks suspicious, zoom in with an offer for help earlier than later. Sometimes you need to get a handle on people early otherwise they have too much time to case the store. If it looks like they are looking for something but can't find it and then they turn down your help, little mental red flags need to start going up. If they are twitchy they will hopefully get nervous that your paying attention to them and ideally drop the entire plan. If they aren't casing the place, then no damage done since you were just asking if they needed help.

-Don't keep asking the same customer if they need help. That's annoying. You should have other jobs to do. Go.

-Don't single out a customer if they are a woman. I've had guys crowd ladies and it's just embarrassing. Also, walking out onto the street and yelling at women to buy comics IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Customers:

-Don't be afraid to ask for help. You need to measure the store staff as well, so nothing does that better than politely asking for help.

-Depending on the size of the store, the staff might be large enough that there are different specialties. Keep in kind that if you wish to get a handle on the store, you should also get a handle on the workers. While it would be nice if everyone knew everything about anything, that just won't be the case in general. Keep in mind we are just like you and we all have different tastes. I have one guy who specializes in Silver Age and Underground, one guy who likes just mainstream, a couple people who like a bit of everything, and so on and so on. Try to find the person who does the ordering, if you can. Ideally their brain should be some sort of nexus of comic reality since they have to know what the hell they are ordering.

-All stores order from the same distributor (Diamond), with additional smaller distributors to the side as well. If you want to find out if something is available, ask if it's available from Diamond. Any retailer should be able to look it up real quick like, and most of us will have the same access to items. There are slight differences depending on what coast you are on, and some retailers may have extra tricks up their sleeves. I just usually find it interesting when it seems some retailers won't place orders for customers and then I look up the same item and I do have access to it.

-Watch the clerk if he is already helping people and he is the only one around. Sometimes we have single shifts with no backup and then we get swarmed with a dozen people and the phone starts ringing. When you see an opening, by all means go ask for help. Just don't try to tackle us when we look like an aneurysm is imminent.

-If you come up to the counter and are ready to be helped and the clerk is somewhere else working (or even slacking off), don't be afraid to find us and say you are ready to go. You need to actually let us know if you are in a rush and not just assume we will magically pop up when your ready to go. If you are a customer I trust, I am probably not watching you like a hawk since I'm usually busy with other work.

-Parents, don't be afraid to ask if a comic is appropriate for children. If we intercept you because you are buying Johnny the Homicidal Maniac for a 6 year old, please just hear us out.

-Please please please have some sort of vague idea about what you need help on.

"I'm looking for a book. It's blue. People do stuff in it."

That is not acceptable. You think I'm joking. I am not.

Comic Shop Etiquette War Journal: Say Hello for God's Sake

Let's see here. I was wondering if I should do these in some sort of order, but I decided it might work just fine if I do what comes to mind. We'll see if it turns into a train wreck or not.

One of the most common complaints I read/hear about is that when a customer enters a comic shop they are not always greeted with a friendly welcome. Sometimes they are ignored, grunted at, or watched like a hawk. So, lets hit the store staff first.

Retailers:

-It's understandable that maybe you aren't having a good day. Well, here's some more bad news; suck that shit up crybaby. You work retail even if this is a different type of retail. Regardless of if your a clerk, manager, or owner you better greet those god damned customers.

First of all, it's just the polite thing to do as a human being. Second, if you want your business to actually have business you better get used to being socially acceptable to some degree. Again, I know sometimes it's tough when your tired or have had a bad start. Sometimes I go into work low on gas or with the yearning to crush someones skull with a rock. The moment someone walks in though, I say hi. I don't make a big hoopla about it and I don't make it sound like I'm the happiest guy on the planet. You say 'Hi, how ya doing?' or 'How's the day treating you?'. When they ask you back, you don't have to lie but you shouldn't make a spectacle of yourself. There is no need to tell them why you got a problem, that's not why they came in. If you know the customer well, you can get into it maybe. The best thing to do though, if you can't honestly answer back positively is to answer back with a joke or just say 'Hangin' in there'.

People like it if your genuine. In fact, people can relate if you're just the guy doing his job and helping them out. You don't need to be a glorified car salesman and be their buddy. Just don't treat them like they are a burden the moment they walk in. Even the people you hate, you should just be polite and keep your distance if you know they will set you off. I do my best loathing from a distance.

-Now here's a tricky one. I've often heard the complaint of the clerk watching the customer like a hawk from the moment the customer enters the store. Now, ideally the clerk isn't a douche and isn't leering at you because you're a woman. I've worked with people who wouldn't leave women alone and well, the experience was soul sucking. That's behavior that needs to be weeded out as fast as possible.

The one thing I don't think customers take into account though is the very very very high shoplifting rate comic stores have to deal with. Some stores can't afford cameras or any type of real security besides an alarm, so it's up to us to watch the store. As sad as it sounds, unless we really know and trust a customer, almost everyone can be suspect. It's pretty much impossible to tell who is going to rip you off. So customers, if that sounds paranoid at all, well you just have to suck it up as well cause it's the truth. Parents will use their children to steal. That is the world we have to live in.

A few months back, another comic store called and warned us of a shoplifter who they were able to identify as stealing numerous hard covers. The general description was incredibly vague, an average height and build Caucasian male. Only one thing really stood out and that was the detail that the man had a limp. The very next day, a very generic Caucasian male walks in with a limp. I felt like a douche, but I watched him the entire time. Was he the guy? I'll never really know. Haven't seen him in a while, maybe I made him feel uncomfortable. Sucks either way.

Customers:

-Hopefully, you enter a store and the clerk greets you. You know what you should do? GREET THEM BACK. Today alone I was ignored by 3 customers both on their way in and on their way out. Everyday it happens so it can be a little disheartening.

-YOU HAD BETTER TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN EARPHONES OR TURN THE MUSIC OFF. I swear, that is one of the rudest things and instantly earns you my hatred. You may listen to your music after you have said hello and acknowledged you have entered into a place of business and the nice clerk has said hello. Just be sure you can hear them say hello.

-Do not enter the store yelling. Just, please. Please don't.

-Do not enter the store while very audibly judging us. Please. It's kind of mean :(

-Store staff does zoom in on certain things when looking out for shoplifters. These include:

A) You are wearing a hoody 3 times your size

B) Your outfit is practically made of pockets

C) You do not instantly volunteer to leave your backpack at the door

D) You won't stop twitching and your hands are covered in dried blood (I am not making that up).

E) You ask us what is the most expensive item in the store

F) 3 or more teenagers enter the store at once. Seriously, I don't want to sound like an old fart but that shit just makes us nervous.

G) You enter a circle pattern across the entire store, arcing more than twice with yet nothing in your hands to buy. One loop means you found nothing. Two loops means your maybe killing time. Three loops is trouble.

-That's pretty much it, you really don't have much etiquette to worry about on this one.

A lot of this stuff seems common sense, on both sides. Sadly, not the case. If I do seem like I'm just stating the obvious, please let me know so I can refine my focus a bit though. I don't want to just pointlessly rant.....er, no wait, that's the entire point of this blog. Never mind.