Possibly the greatest thing in the history of greatness and things

PIRATE STARRO THE CONQUERORHE HAS A BELT.

Looking upon this, I feel as if I have reached a new level of comic nirvana.

Truly, J. Bone is a god amongst mortals.
http://gobukan.blogspot.com/2008/11/reviews-of-super-friends-9.html

Giant-Size........really?

Do you ever wonder what it was like during the meeting where they decided to publish Giant-Size Man-Thing? Because I do. Perhaps too often.


"Ok, we got Giant-Size Spidey! Giant-Size Defenders! Giant-Size Avengers! What next?"

>Many seconds of silent thought<

"Giant-Size........Man-Thing?"

>Seconds pass. Giggling can be heard in the background<

"Right. GO WITH IT."

".....seriously?"

"Damn skippy, we gotta see if we can get away with this one!"

"But...I was just kid-"

"GO.WITH.IT."

And then comic history was made.

The end.

Primate of the moment

So when Marvel Apes first came into the store, we had plenty of customers who just didn't get it. Many are unaware of the time honored tradition of parading assorted primates through comics in an attempt to boost sales. Check this link for more background on the subject, and for some awesome covers:

http://www.lethargiclad.com/gorilla/

Now I don't really care if anyone considers this to be an illogical marketing strategy. The very idea that an editor sat down and decided that more monkeys=yay is just AWESOME. Not awesome. AWESOME, in caps. Because straight up, you put a gorilla in something and most likely you will have my undivided attention.

Which is why I believe it's time to educate people on the wonderful selection of comic book primates available. And by educate, I mean pick a monkey, link a wikipedia entry, and then post a crapton of pictures with comments. Because honestly, people have probably already tried to do this and it's not like you'll voluntarily read 5 paragraphs about Angel & The Ape. LET US BEGIN.

GORILLA GRODD:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorilla_Grodd

Arthur Adams' awesomeness can often be measured by how many apes he draws. And believe me, IT'S A LOT.

Pensive Grodd is pensive.
.....Christopher Grodd Columbus. CHRISTOPHER GRODD COLUMBUS.
Respect that Powers Boothe gained after accepting the role of Gorilla Grodd? ELEVENTY BAJILLION POINTS.
Watch out Barry, he's been shuffling his feet on the carpet for like an hour!
OH SNAP! Oh....actual snap..... sorry Hunter.....
Also? Telepathic. EAT IT, DR. ZAIUS.

But perhaps I've said too much

God I loved this show.

Evil real estate

Trying to figure out the best solution here. I mean if you're gonna go about the destruction of life, liberty, and all that jazz, then you really need an operational headquarters. And my current house is just too small to hide the doomsday cannon and I can forget about having henchmen tryouts here. It's not like you can just look up Craigslist for Evil Lairs, although I did find this:

http://denver.craigslist.org/m4w/919561686.html

So that just means I gotta build it myself, but where? So many choices.

Can always go the space station route. Which is handy cause A)the world will always know you can strike at any time from above and B) it makes it tough for asshole solicitors to bug you.

You can always go the usual space donut design, or the bulkier fortress of doom design.
The added bonus, of course, would be if your space fortress can transform for some wtfpwn action.

The arctic fortress option is interesting as well. The harsh condition keeps the riffraff out, but it might be a little easy for the world governments to find. Best to make sure to paint it white. The main problem is that red & blue douche is always flying around that area. Lead shielding will have to be a requirement.

The underground bunker option is enticing, although a bit claustrophobic. I don't know if i could put up with that many henchpeoples stuffed in there like sardines. And a little light from time to time wouldn't hurt. I mean, Lord of Darkness and all, but c'mon. Need a little vitamin D.

Now the Mt. Doom option is always nice, just for the sheer *holyshit!* you get from annoying do-gooders. All that lava tends to make anyone nervous, but I'm sure you get used to it after living there for a while. Not a big fan of that dry heat type of lifestyle, but as long as the hideout itself has AC I'm good2go.

The jungle option, not so crazy about. Sure it's usually hard to find and half the death traps are practically built in for you before you arrive, but hot and humid? Bleh.

Your own personal country has a nice "Screw you, world" feel to it. But again, makes for one big target.

Regardless of where the damn thing is built, it's gonna be a bitch finding a good interior decorator.....

And the winner of the voting battle royale

The Cybertronian Sledgehammer!
3 votes for Devastator, 2 for Voltron, and 1 for Bauer. Not bad.

But he's a good sport, and took his competition to a pub afterwards for some fun.

Jack Bauer not available, presumably because he was kidnapped and tortured again.

Lil Devastator by Matt Moylan, http://mattmoylan.com/

I....I think I need that

Man, and that guy looks like he's just having a blast.